This is a video I stumbled upon. One of Mak's friends, Thomas Chia posted this on his Facebook.
Linus Chung is the guy who played as Keong in Sepet. You know? Jason's friend. The dude who got injured by some thug & got into the hospital. That guy.
I cried the moment the video reached at 3:55. You'll see why.
Mak, I miss you so :'( I know God loves you more & that you're in a better place, but it was too soon. For many of us. We really thought you were going to make it since your friends stated that you're a fighter. I saw that in you & hoped that you would pull through one day. I never thought I would lose you. I never thought I would lose any close family member of mine.
I was really looking forward to watching the movie Up with you because, you wanted to watch it too. The last time I saw you was on July 15th when we were celebrating Abah's birthday at Tony Roma's. The last time I texted you was on July 12th when you were watching Inkheart, saying that Farid was gorgeous & that Unle Leong bought the DVD.
I'm gonna say it. Mak, I love you... so very much. When I was in the hospital knowing that you were in a coma, I hoped that one day you'll wake up & be your old self again. I didn't care if it would take weeks, months or even years as long as you woke up. I had faith since Jovian or someone told me his dad or granddad was in a coma few years back & woke up a year or two later. He wasn't himself but he woke up. It was on that night he told me. July 25th.
It was that story that made me have more faith. It was that story that made me hopeful. It was that story that I prayed would soon to be your story too. Alas, it never was. You know, I can still remember you in small ways. Your laugh, your smile, your humour... almost everything.
When I saw this badge I randomly saw on one of the tables, it made me remember you because you were the one who gave it to me. It's a prosperity badge. I froze at where I stood & I was tearing up. I held back my tears because everyone was around me & I didn't want anyone to see my cry. It's alright to cry, I know. But I just don't want to cry in front of them. I just don't.
Whenever I feel like wearing the Gubra or Mukhsin shirt you got for me, I always wore it proud because no one can get those at just anywhere. I just remembered something. The Inkheart Trilogy I bought from MPH Subang Parade, it was your money = you bought it for me. I wanted the book so badly because the synopsis made it sound interesting. It's with Joanne now. I need it back. For now, I won't let anyone borrow it. Selfish much? I don't care. It's something precious to me.
Ever since your departure, alot of things are different. When no one comes here, the house is quiet without your laughter. The usual noise made by my siblings are still around but you're not there to make it more noisy. I'll never see you walk through that door again. I'll never get to hug you as usual . I'll never get to talk to you like always.
The thing I miss most now, is going to Sri Melur at USJ16 every Saturday morning when you're not outstation. The family doesn't do that anymore ever since your absence. I'll never get teased by you. When Papa told me that Mak said you came back, I interpreted it in the wrong way so I thought it was creepy. Then Mommy asked my why is it creepy so I interpreted it again in a different way & wished that I would get to see that too.
Haris, Uncle Leong & Abah already dreamt about you. Why haven't I? I don't know but hopefully I will soon enough. Okay. Maybe I sound a bit too greedy here. Stupid Shana. You even gave me 2 pairs of earrings. I like the blue one but knowing that you're no longer around, anything you got for me is essential for me to keep for myself.
I still have the SilkyGirl set you bought for me on AirAsia. I used to hate the bag you gave me for my birthday which was from India but now I love it because I never realised how simple & elegant it looked. Even though Haris is one of my favourite cousins, I hate him for letting fame & fortune get into his head. There was one time he ducked after being in the Kelisa car because his friends look up to him as a rich kid. So what?! Just because you're in a Kelisa that doesn't mean you're not rich & if your friends look up to you as a rich kid, then they're total assholes.
Some friends you got there, Haris. Did you buy them? -_- Back to Mak. I remember when you picked up my book, Chronicles of Amber & read the 1st few pages. You hated it. I was disappointed at the time but thinking about it now made me smile. You preferred reality than fantasy & fiction ^^ Another thing I miss the most, is you calling out my name whether in a mad or normal way. I miss that alot.
My dear friends, can we go eat at USJ16's Sri Melur together after bulan Ramadhan is over & done with? On Saturday mornings that is. That's the routine anyways =)
It really hurts when I watch your films & advertisements. Even when I'm watching it, somewhere at the back of my mind, I'm thinking of you. Whenever there's a silent moment & Mak (Inom) talks about you, I go straight upstairs because I didn't want to cry infront of her. I held back my tears for her sake.
July 26th, the day of the funeral. After tears were shed & hugs were given, we went to my house. The moment we got back, I ran upstairs to my room, locked the door & what did I do? I mourned for you... boy was I loud. I cried hard & called out your name, hoping that I was only having a nightmare. Sadly, I'm living the nightmare. I wish I wasn't.
You being gone was too good to be true. I was looking forward to watching Wasurenagusa (Forget Me Not) & Go Thaddeus! I imagined the whole family together in the house at Langkawi. I even imagined you visiting me when I'm studying overseas.
The news of your departure... was simply too much of a shock.
Even though I know you're no longer here, something keeps telling me you're still around & that you're somewhere on Earth doing a shoot or attending a film festival like you always do since you're not around most of the time.
Still, your absence made a difference. A really. Huge. Difference. Well, I gotta go now. It's 1:50 in the morning & I need my sleep since I'm having a bad cold.
I'll blog again when I want to or when I feel like it. Goodnight, everyone.
shn couldn't stop crying the moment she started typing out about her mother
Mak, I miss you so :'( Gals, I need you
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