Yeah... read the title. As you all know, I miss Lee so ever dearly. That shows how bloody pathetic I am. Not only that. I'm contemptible too. Why? Here's my status on every account I have => "Didn't think I could make 2 people hate me on the same day... how contemptible can I get? I'm such a stupid git..."
You don't need to know one of them but the other one, all I can tell you is well, that other person is a guy. He innocently called me to get some advice & a little scolding from me for the so-called 'stupid' thing he did.
You know who you are. If you're reading this, just to let you know, I didn't have the heart to scold you. You should know why. If you don't, well, nevermind. So yeah. Then he told me to get him out of the box meaning distract him from his situation a little la. So I did by telling him I'm gonna wear a tux to prom.
That ended up making him mad & thinking that I'm a friggin' psycho. Then he continued with tak nak kawan & I said okay. He asked if I was sure & I answered yeah. So, now we're nothing. Because of me.
I'm such a WONDERFUL 'friend'. Ugh. Okay. Lemme just fucking bitch about myself here since I deserve it. Mainly, I don't think guys even like me. I mean, I do have guy friends, but not in a sense of us being together. Those typical so-called 'gangsters' in my school hate me for no bloody reason.
WTF did I ever do to them?! So yeah. That's one. Another thing is the fact that I act like a total tomboy at most times. C'mon. What kind of guy likes that? I know none who does. I'm excluding my past boyfriends here.
Also, I curse alot. Okay. So us girls have the right to curse as much as guys do, right? But I've been told that I should be more 'feminine' which I'm not sure if I'll ever be since I hate skirts & bla. Even my family's like "You're not suppose to cuss bla bla bla". I mean, what's the big deal?
They're only words plus I never used it on them except to my dad because he doesn't even care what I say since he knows what I'm like. So yeah. I just want to say one thing before I continue.
If you people hate me, why don't you tell me straight to my face? Why should you care if I start crying or whatever, right? So go on. To those who hate me, meet me anywhere at anytime & I'll be there. Just tell me straight to my bloody face. If you don't have the guts to do so, then I'm not the only pathetic one here.
So my point is, I'm hopeless & pathetic because I'm not even over Lee yet when I thought I was like months ago, I'm not even serious even when I know SPM's in 11 days (it's 2:16 am on Saturday now) because I'm just plain lazy.
I'm a bitch because I just ticked off a guy for no reason. Wait. I've got a reason which doesn't even apply to the 'happened' situation. I was in a pissed off mood. Don't ask me why. It's called mood swings if you haven't heard. He called me for comfort & whatsoever. How do I repay him? By pissing him off.
Now we're nothing. You, the guy I'm talking about (and I'm not gonna mention your name since you should know who you are while the others don't) , I'm sorry but I can't help but mention you. At least I didn't insert your name. Be thankful for that.
If this is how I live my life by hurting those I love around me, then I must be the lowest of the low to do so. So, hope I go to hell. If I don't, then hope I suffer by being stuck in some unknown world where I'm alone in the darkness or something. Folks, don't take the risk to get hurt by me.
End our friendship now but don't if it means so much to you. To those I'm close with, I don't need a lecture or talk or get advice from any of you. I want to be alone so respect my request.
Well, I'm gonna order McD now & get fat. Not like anyone would care how I look like. Ciao, goodnight & take care. To all SPM candidates, good luck & study smart. Not hard. Make sure you have plenty of rest & eat healthy too. Don't forget hygiene, guys. Yes, I'm talking to the guys.
shn is not in the mood... not after what she did
Yes, I'm regretting. It shows how more pathetic I am. -Something I Never Had by Lindsay Lohan-
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