Today feels weird for me. Mainly because, usually by now me & my family would go out. Maybe have breakfast at Sri Melur or go shopping somewhere & I'd be looking forward to tonight for her birthday celebration at Tony Roma's or something.
But, today's nothing like that. It's those ordinary days where you stay at home & rot in a corner 'cause you have nothing to do. I feel so empty. It's been 5 months now & it STILL doesn't feel like she's gone.
It feels like she's somewhere out there having a shoot for her next film or overseas because one of her films were selected in some film festival. Yet, at the same time, I know she's no longer here.
It's not the same anymore. My days I mean. Thank God Mak looks happy but, not as happy as she was before. She's not herself ever since that day. And of course, it's not that I blame her or anything.
No one expected it to happen. I know God loves her more but, heck. I'd exchange my life for hers if I could. Someone at the hospital told me she was a fighter & that everything was gonna be okay.
I saw her everytime I could & I only did twice. In the hospital, I mean. I tried so hard not to think of it as 'the end' & had hopes of her waking up as herself again. I'd rather have THAT than her being gone. I'm sure everyone does.
Well, everyone who knew her & loved her anyways. Including the fans. The moment Adam's dad, Zakaria Zahari said to everyone in the room that she was on life support, I was devastated.
I cried too loud until Mak heard & was wondering who it was that's crying. My hopes were high again when someone told me about his dad or granddad who had kind of been in the same situation.
Was on life support & amazingly, woke up one day. Lost his memories but it kept returning to him bit by bit. Don't you wish THAT happened instead of what already happened?
I do. So much~ *sighs* I should stop now before I make myself cry. Before I go, Happy Supposed 52nd Birthday, Okasan! Missing you loads & wishing you were still here.. Al-Fatihah.
okasan's favourite david archuleta song is
To Be With You.. I'm leaving this song on my blog for 52 days
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