6/5/10

I'm So Fucking Stupid

It's my fault. Everything. It's like, I actually want this when I really don't. I should've laughed at those comments typed by an anonymous low life than cried on that day.

I should've just shut up & kept everything to myself than to let it out by forcing myself to puke that late night. I should've tried HARDER. I shouldn't have acted melodramatically.

*sighs* It's my fault. All of it. Why? Why do I tend to make such fucked up & childish mistakes? I'm fully aware that I'm human & that we're imperfect. But, I feel like THE MOST imperfect human ever.

I haven't the slightest idea why & yet, I know. Stop blaming him, people. It's not his fault. It's entirely mine. I've said things I never thought twice before saying them. Things I don't mean but hurtful to others.

None of you have the right to blame the guy. So stfu. The lot of you may be telling me that he's a total ass/bastard/whatever but that will never change the way I feel about him.

No matter what, he still means the world to me. I don't give a damn if y'all think I'm crazy or psychotic or whatever. I'll let you guys think what you wanna think & say what you wanna say.

Why? Because whether or not it's about me, him, the both of us or none, it's not my problem & none of my concern. It's yours. And about last night, yeah. It somehow felt good to gulp down 3 pills one at a time.

When I wanted to sleep, my heartbeat increased tremendously which was horrifying yet, comforting. I was so hoping to die in my sleep. But I didn't. Wooptidoo.

*tch My dad said we'll be going to Singapore at the end of the month. I sure hope so since our only purpose there is to go to Universal Studios which looks so bloody cool & exciting.

I wonder if I'll bump into Kak Zana? *shrugs* Well, better continue reading The Gravedigger's Daughter. It's a very morbid story but I have to finish it in order to read the rest of my books. Cya~

shn had a major breakdown today

Already Over by RED

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