7/23/10

What Made Me Laugh.. Hard


Twilight Books 'Summary'
-- BOOK 1. TWILIGHT
EDWARD: Hey.
BELLA: OMG, I'm so silly! And horny.
EDWARD: Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.
BELLA: OMG you're a vampire!
EDWARD: Yes. Let's go play baseball.
JAMES: I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.
EDWARD: Roar.
JAMES: Omnomnom Bella.
BELLA: OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!
EDWARD: I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well.
JACOB: Oh, hi there!

-- BOOK 2. NEW MOON
EDWARD:
Oops, gotta go.
BELLA: OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.
JACOB: Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)
BELLA: OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!
ALICE: Edward is gonna kill himself!
BELLA: OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.
EDWARD: I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.
VOLTURI: You suck.
BELLA: OMG leave him alone!
VOLTURI: OK, leave now bitches.
JACOB: I love you, Bella.
BELLA: OMG I love Edward more, bye!

-- BOOK 3. ECLIPSE
VICTORIA: I'm back, bitch! I'ma cut you!
BELLA: OMG no!
EDWARD: I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean, Bella!)
JACOB: I want to kill her too!
RILEY: I will kill you!
BELLA: OMG I'm frozen!
EDWARD: Shit I'm so cold and can't get you hot.
JACOB: Move on bitch, I will warm this whore.
VICTORIA: You missed me bitches?
EDWARD: I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead!
BELLA: OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.

-- BOOK 4. BREAKING DAWN
EDWARD:
I don't want to fuck you, Bella. Marry me first.
BELLA: Shit, okay.
JACOB: My heart is broken!
BELLA: OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!
EDWARD: Oh no, a monster!
RENESMEE: I'ma kill you, mom :3
VOLTURI: We're gonna kill that bitch, she's a monster.
BELLA: OMG finally I'm a vampire now! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.
VOLTURI: Fine, you won.
JAOCB: Bella I never loved you. I wanna fuck your daughter.

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