What Made Me Laugh.. Hard

Twilight Books 'Summary'

-- BOOK 1. TWILIGHT

EDWARD: Hey.

BELLA: OMG, I'm so silly! And horny.

EDWARD: Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.

BELLA: OMG you're a vampire!
EDWARD: Yes. Let's go play baseball.

JAMES: I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.

EDWARD: Roar.

JAMES: Omnomnom Bella.

BELLA: OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!
EDWARD: I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well.

JACOB: Oh, hi there!

-- BOOK 2. NEW MOON
EDWARD: Oops, gotta go.

BELLA: OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.

JACOB: Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)
BELLA: OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!
ALICE: Edward is gonna kill himself!
BELLA: OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.

EDWARD: I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.

VOLTURI: You suck.

BELLA: OMG leave him alone!
VOLTURI: OK, leave now bitches.

JACOB: I love you, Bella.

BELLA: OMG I love Edward more, bye!

-- BOOK 3. ECLIPSE

VICTORIA: I'm back, bitch! I'ma cut you!

BELLA: OMG no!
EDWARD: I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean, Bella!)

JACOB: I want to kill her too!
RILEY: I will kill you!
BELLA: OMG I'm frozen!
EDWARD: Shit I'm so cold and can't get you hot.

JACOB: Move on bitch, I will warm this whore.

VICTORIA: You missed me bitches?

EDWARD: I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead!
BELLA: OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.

-- BOOK 4. BREAKING DAWN
EDWARD: I don't want to fuck you, Bella. Marry me first.

BELLA: Shit, okay.

JACOB: My heart is broken!
BELLA: OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!
EDWARD: Oh no, a monster!
RENESMEE: I'ma kill you, mom :3

VOLTURI: We're gonna kill that bitch, she's a monster.

BELLA: OMG finally I'm a vampire now! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.

VOLTURI: Fine, you won.

JAOCB: Bella I never loved you. I wanna fuck your daughter.