Eid-Ul-Fitr Visit

Today, I woke up around 2 because I slept at 4 a.m. last night. From the moment you sent me that text until now, I'm deeply hurt.

I hadn't the mood for anything, but still did a few things like make my favourite dish & buy more chocolate for my college friends.

While waiting in the car for my dad buying God knows what, I was in the midst of sleep & awake.

I was either dreaming or thinking. Am not too sure. I was listening to Love The Way You Lie by Eminem feat. Rihanna.

I think my mind automatically decided to have images of me & you. Not of the past, but of what might or will happen.

I can barely remember what my mind wanted to 'predict'. Whatever it was, tears flowed down.

I realised I still had tears in my eyes when my dad came back. He then told everyone else in the car I was crying.

Gee. Thanks for the obvious info, Papa -.- *sighs* They asked me why, if I had a sad dream or thought or something.

I literally said I don't know because well, why should I tell them? The last time I told them something like that, I almost got kicked out & disowned.

I'm serious. I'm nowhere near kidding y'all right now. No shit. So yeah. Went back, didn't do much.

The whole entire day, I kept deciding non-stop whether I should visit you or not. Yes, no, maybe, not sure.

Why? After what you sent me yesterday, I didn't feel wanted or needed anymore. I felt.. neglected.

I didn't want to be in a place where I'm not welcome whether just by you or probably more.

But I asked you a few hours ago if I may come to your house. You said sure. I was relieved, but it's not enough after what you sent me the day before =/

I still won't stay long though. And hey, at least you're not complaining on how I don't text you much & how selfish I am for not doing so.

Shows how much you don't need me any longer. Then again, you never needed me from the start. I did.

Haha. How pathetic am I, needing someone to show me the way of my own life, to let me do what I want, to tell the difference between right & wrong.

Oh wait. It's no wonder nothing's been working out for ALL my past relationships. I don't love myself.

I absolutely hate myself. Why? Well to me, I'm not exactly a likeable person. Let alone do I look like one.

Quite a number of people have told me before they knew me, they thought I was one of those snobby or pissy kind if you get what I mean.

I'm going off topic =__= Whatever. To be honest, I'm scared to come over to your place now.

Reasons are classified. Better go now. Coming back soon. Nothing's cheering me up. Damn! Goodnight~