9/12/10

Nervous, Happy, Heart-Broken, Neutral

Well, it's not midnight yet & even though I got home less than 12 hours ago, I still wanna say I'M HOME!! =D

Ah~ It's good to be back :) Haha. Having a headache now but, am not sure why *shrugs* Can always ask Kieran for Panadol xD

Anyways, I arrived around almost 1, my dad the very kecoh with just getting the car & our luggage.

After that we stopped by at his house la & whatnot then he finally went off to Pekan. Where did I go?

Well, ain't it obvious? And y'know, I never knew the taxi people can come by so fast! O: Maybe the dude was nearby *shrugs*

So yeah. Took about almost an hour. I was surprised I still remembered the way! Thought I forgot xP

Heh. It was probably just all in my head. Oh well. I felt SO happy seeing them all again! How they greeted me & such :')

Mama, whatever it is I ate that you made, so nice! Yummeh *rubs belly* =9 Hik~ Nadia hugged me tight & long too.

Aww~ Gawd, did I miss her as much as I miss her brother. But surprisingly, I didn't hug him.

Wow. First time I actually meant what I said before it even happen. Then again, he sent me back.

Well, ain't a big deal. While being there, everything felt so.. full of relief? *makes a face* I feel more at home when I'm there.

Especially when everyone's there. I'm serious! In my own home? I don't feel at home at all =/

Maybe because I can be myself there? *shrugs* They also feel more like family than my own.

I dunno. Maybe I just missed them too much. It was good seeing Faris & Fikri after God knows how many years :)

But minutes before I left when Mama or Papa called him to the kitchen, I had the opportunity to see his messages.

I think you can pretty much guess what I saw. Although, I only read one message *sighs in disappointment*

So yeah. I was on the verge of tears but I had to hold it in not to make everyone worry, let alone make a scene.

Good thing nobody saw the hurt look on my face. Phew~ On the way back, you told me the usual things you'd tell me - them.

I had a feeling you were gonna talk about that. It's all you ever talk about. Why's that? *sighs*

I cried about 3 or 4 times but thank God all that was over before we arrived. Once you left & I called one of my friends, I had a breakdown.

It was a pretty darn bad one if you ask me. Not as bad as me having one until I barfed, but I swear it hurt like shit.

I only stopped because I was forced to fake my voice since Mak called up. I had to stop crying so that she won't suspect or ask anything.

So yeah. I actually stopped. But to be honest, I want to cry even more. I want to let all the pain out by screaming & crying until my eyes hurt.

I can't wait for Kieran to come to where I am! We're gonna have a smoke later. Agh! Haven't smoked since the holidays began! D:

Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu, Kieran. Seeing him might take my mind off of things & probably calm down a bit.

Oh yeah! I bought Ferrero Rocher, Kisses & Toblerone! Can't wait to share them tomorrow! Goodnight~

P.S. The moment I got down here, I keep hearing fireworks! Wow! It's already enough that I hear them when I was in Langkawi xD

shn is heart broken once again

I still fight while I can fight, So long as the wrong feels right~

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