Closer During Maghrib

Hey there. I can't believe this is the 3rd time I failed. At least I got the same marks I did for the 2nd time, but, then again, my marks didn't get any higher.

*sighs* Just when I actually studied for the thing. Well, let's hope I pass the next time, yeah? *keeps fingers crossed*

As for the title, no matter how many days, weeks, months or years I've never prayed, everytime I do during Maghrib, I have this.. pure feeling.

Maybe it's just me, or maybe that's how I should be feeling, I'm not sure. And to be honest, I cried before, during & after Maghrib earlier.

I've not had such a long breakdown in quite a while. I'm not feeling any better, but I guess it helped somehow.

I'm so hurt.. yet, I'm still holding on. God, give the guy a chance. He doesn't deserve to go through such a difficult life.

Give him & the family a break. Please, make my life miserable all you want. Just don't do such a thing to his.

I'M the one who hasn't been obeying Your rules. You should punish ME. Not him. I don't care if I got lucky or it's a blessing.

I don't deserve a life like this. Someone else does. Someone who's more appreciative than I am.

It's all I ask from You. I don't care if my life doesn't get any better. I don't care if I'm gonna die the next day or whatever.

Just send me to Hell already. So long as he has a bright future, I'm happy even if my life sucks. Oh wait. It already does.

.. SEE WHAT I MEAN?!! ARGH!! I FUCKING HATE MYSELF!! SOMEONE KILL ME ALREADY!! D<