The last time I saw her was when we were all celebrating my granddad's 77th birthday. Me, my dad,Muzaffar Shah, my stepmom, Hafidah Arrifin, my grandparents, Inom Yon & Ahmad Hashim, my cousins, Adam, Haris & Imran, my siblings, Shara & Ezzu, our maids, my aunt & her husband, Orked Ahmad & Zakaria Zahari & last but not least, my okasan & her husband, Yasmin Ahmad & Liew Leong. We celebrated at Tony Roma's in Sunway Pyramid. It was a few days after I took my braces off & she got to see it. Knowing that she's gone, I guess thinking back that she got to see me without braces is sort of a blessing to me.
The films she created were Rabun, Sepet, Gubra, Mukhsin, Muallaf & Talentime. She was suppose to film Wasurenagusa & Go Thaddeus! as well but I guess it was her time to go. Her 1st film Rabun was never shown here in Malaysia, but it was shown overseas. Alhamdulillah for that. Talentime was shown before Muallaf here on the month of April. Talentime was spectacular & as Okasan have said,"All my films contribute humanism".
Just humanism. I find that rather interesting, don't you? Well, I never knew he tells certain people I'm her daughter until my grandmother told me years back. I was surprised but when she 1st said it to someone while I was there when we were in Torino, Italy for the premiering of Sepet, do you know what I said? I said loudly,"Sister!" She just laughed.
I used to think she was my sister, my dad was my brother, my cousins were my nephews & my grandparents were my parents. Why? Because Inom & Ahmad were the ones who took care of me since birth. Don't ask. It's a LONG history of drama & such =) Well, I just found out the real family status on my own last year. How? I dunno. It just came to me in a snap & I realised at that moment. Weird, huh? Anyways, let's skip a little, shall we? I pretty much forgot alot of things with her in the picture. SOME daughter I turned out to be =________="
On 23rd of July 2009, Thurday, my aunt passed out during a presentation on TV3. In the midst of discussion she said,"Wait. I don't feel too well", put her hands on the table & laid her head. After either a few seconds or minutes, she was unusually quiet. Everyone thought she'd sit up again & say,"I have an idea!" but she didn't.
As someone looked at her, saliva coming down from her mouth. The foamy kind. What's it called? Rabies or something, right? Well, Siti Nurhaliza (no offence, Aleya but bleakh!) did CPR on her because Okasan stopped breathing at one point while someone called the ambulance. She was rushed to the nearest hospital which was Damansara Specialist Hospital at 3 something & went for surgery at 3:45 p.m. if I'm not mistaken.
I heard the news around 4 something like almost 5 from her japanese friend, Motoyoshi Taisuke. I was shocked & in disbelief. She collapsed?! Of course, they got that info wrong because she only passed out but still. Rumour spread saying she was pronounced dead on the spot. Bullshit. Stupid internet & RTM. Bloody bastards.
Well, I was worried so to make sure it was true, I called my grandma. The moment I said hi, she cried. That was the only thing that proved it. Okasan was hospitalised. I wanted to go there so badly but when I called the adults, they all said they were already on their way. Darn!
I desperately needed transport. I was even on the verge of driving myself there even when I knew I didn't know the way. I called Atuk but he doesn't know where it is. So I decided to call my neighbour, Aunty Leha. In the end, I only told her the news & didn't ask her whether she could send me there. Stupid me. Then I texted Kahoe & Mahesh if they heard. Kahoe replied saying yes while Mahesh called me up saying he heard as well.
I asked where he was & he's already there. I was disappointed until he asked where I was & I said I was at home. He asked where & I told him. Apparently, he was going to pick me up! I was like,"What the...?" because it's far duh! So I was shocked. Then he asked me to get ready & I blogged about the news etc. etc., he arrived, me, Aryana, Aleysha, Mahesh & his friend were enjoying ourselves listening to the radio. Seriously, don't ask. I guess we didn't want to be all gloomy in the car but too bad Kahoe was the emo type of guy.
The moment we reached there around 8 p.m., I saw Chips & had the time to say hi. After that I met a few family friends & went up with them. I went to the room seeing my parents, crew members & some people I couldn't remember meeting. I asked where Okasan was & they said she's in ICU.
I ran & saw the crew members. They were crying. Syafie Naswip, Adibah Noor, Alan Yun & more others. I saw Mei Ling there & I hugged here. She asked,"You wanna go in & see her?" & I just nodded. The moment we went in & saw her, I started crying because the tubes scared me. Uncle Leong came up to me saying I shouldn't cry if I want to speak to her. They say people in a coma could hear you when you talked to them. I believed that but I chickened out a bit.
So I went back to the room bla bla bla & before I went back, I finally had the guts to see her. Surprisingly, I didn't cry when I did. I talked to her a little, asked her to wake up (which of course she didn't) , said ILY & left. I even said I was a shitty person to talk to. Went back home worried but surprisingly, I slept fine. Woke up the next day, went to school but I didn't want to but there was Accounts so I had to, was pretty sad, school ended & went to the hospital after I got home & changed.
Arrived, walked around, talked to Etienne, he cried when he saw Mak came out still in shock & in tears (I'm skipping alot because I forgot) .
I talked to her again twice that day, then I had to go back because IU Day's on the next day. Went home but I slept uneasily. Woke up, went upstairs & started reading news about Okasan on the net. LOADS of bullshit like the news of her dead which WAS untrue because she wasn't gone yet. Got ready for IU Day, picked Gowri up (LOVED the dress she wore) , reached, had a little trouble, found Lils & the rest, ate, enjoyed music & had to go to the hospital with Adam.
We reached there around 4 but Adam went back at 5 because he couldn't take the depressing atmosphere. Me & Haris stayed. We just walked around, talked to a few people who knew Okasan, bought some snacks & all. Then dusk fell & the night was upon us. Surprisingly, alot of people came that night. Wasn't expecting it but hey, Okasan has touched us all until she's known =)
Thomas Chia (I think) bought us doughtnuts & he asked me to offer them to everyone so I did. Sadly, most of them like the 'colourful' ones better =_______=" One of them regretted for not taking the plain ones from me (haha! oadan muka XD) . Within a few hours, Adam's parents, Uncle Leong, my & dad & stepmom went in the ICU to see Okasan. Within 5 minutes? they came out. They were pretty quiet & my stepmom asked me & Haris to follow. I asked,"What's wrong?" & my stepmom replied,"Just come along" with a smile on her red face.
I realised she was being suspicious so I said,"You're not telling us something" & the moment we got in the room, I heard Adam's dad saying "...she's gone...". That was all that made me realised it. Okasan was gone. I wasn't surprised to see Haris crying though because he's a really sensitive guy. I cried too but I wondered why the adults weren't.
They said it's hard for them to take it too but they have to stay strong for Mak so Haris & I should do the same. They went to the other room where Mak was while me & Haris stayed to shed our tears there. I told Haris,"I can't believe it either... at least she's in a better place now, Haris. So for Mak Tok's sake, don't cry, okay?". So he nodded while shedding more tears. I shed mine as well as it was too much to take in. She was 51 & had so many things to do but, she's gone.
Uncle Leong's sister came up to me, I was tearing up & said,"I'm gonna miss her". And so, I cried as well while she replied,"We're all gonna miss her" & she tried her best comforting me.
I know it's good to cry for someone you loved dearly had just gone but, it's not gonna make Okasan feel any better for leaving & I find that true. So I tried my best to stop crying for Mak's sake & I did soon after. It was hard to make it all cooped up inside me. I wanted to let it out so badly.
Thank you, AirAsiaWell, it's all I want to say. I can't bear to type it out anymore. I really pity my cousin, Adam though. Why? Because 26th July which was the day of the funeral, is the day of his birthday too.
He'll remember that day forever :'(
shn can't believe she lost a family member
shn will miss her Okasan dearly
P.S. I did this on July 27th which was the day after the funeral
I'll always love you, Lee ♥
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