Fuck It

Great.. just when I was about to feel better. I bought myself The Princess & The Frog soundtrack, didn't touch it for hours & out of the blue, decided to listen to it. What did I do after seeing the very first song in the disc?

I just HAD to torture myself & see 'those' while listening to it. So, the song Never Knew I Needed by Ne-Yo is now the song that tears me apart.. who would've known? After all that?

After watching another few episodes of To Aru Majutsu no Index & listen to Kawada Mami's songs. Nothing worked? Just when my heart was healing? Great. You're so fucking smart, Shana.

Purposely torturing yourself & drowning in your own tears. What. The. Hell. How pathetic. What're you gonna do next? Having the guts to drive on the main road in the middle of the night & try to kill yourself?

Hmm.. actually, that's not a bad idea. Either that, or stay in that midget car of yours for many many hours so that you'll die a painless death. There are also ways to end your life slowly.

There's smoking.. heck. You hate that & yet you're immune to it *slaps forehead* Why didn't I think of this before?! Simple words. Slit your wrist with a knife or something.

No no. Wait. I forgot. You're a total wuss *sighs* As they say, life's unfair. Life's a torturing hell is what I'd say. Don't you wish you could just pull your beating, broken heart out?

Hmph. Why not hire someone to kill you? If that person doesn't mind going to jail & to hell. Sure, everyone who loves you dearly will mourn but, you'd do anything to get away from it, right?

The pain you're going through, the stress you get from almost everything almost every single bloody day, the torture of.. why should I mention it? Your bestfriends already know.

There's no need for me to elaborate any longer. Don't you feel heartless & uncaring letting your care-free & insensitive self emerge? Hmm. Wish you'd do that more often. I'd kill me *grin*