What Have I Done?

Why have I been making the wrong decisions? Why have I been saying the wrong words? Why have I been doing the wrong things?

Why this year? Why? God, please help me. Make things better. I don't want it to be this way.

Not ever. I know it's my fault. But please, don't make it go this far. I don't want it to happen.. at all.

Okasan's no longer around, I think I've lost one of my bestfriends, I almost lost him & now, I'll be losing them?

Okasan, you may have left this world, but I know you're somehow still here. So please, make things better.

Judging by how unproductive I've been, I don't think I have a future. So, God, why not you just send me to hell?

Do it now & do it quick. It'll at least make everyone's lives easier. I know I'm selfish. I've always been selfish.

Without me, my grandparents won't have to worry about bills or college fees or anything that includes them in spending alot of money anymore.

Without me, there's no reason for one of the maids to be working here anymore.

Without me, no one has to scold me for something I did or didn't do anymore.

Without me, my friends can just move on with their lives & not worry about what to wear or whatever to someone's wedding anymore.

But, without me, you can never look at life the same way again. Let alone live.

Yet, to me, I don't think my absence would make much of a difference in this world. I don't matter.

I'm an accident. Again I'll repeat, God, Okasan, please make things better. Not for my sake of course.

It's for alot of other people's sakes. I've been in the way for too long. So whenever my time comes, I'll go.

And hopefully, with not a single tear in sight of my passing.