Lemme Say Somethin'

You're not my 1st love, but you're definitely my 1st true love. I'm not sure if you're my last but I hope you are & will always be.

Yeah, you're also my one & only. I may love again.. I think I did weeks after college started. Mainly because we've been so distant lately.

I doubt I can make you laugh as much as I could back then since all you've been doing is be in a bad mood like, most of the time.

I doubt I cause you to think twice because you do that to me & it doesn't look like you bother to want or need to hold onto me.

To be honest, you've broken my heart too many times than a person should. Other than the fact that I love you too much, I no longer know why I'm staying.

Not anymore. You've hurt me, you've changed me (for the better of course) , you analyze but you don't expect more than I can give.

I doubt you smile for real when I make you happy, you always tell me when I make you mad & these days, I don't think you miss me.

You've been giving me the cold shoulder for God knows how long now. I think it's been a week already.

Or.. at least, that's what I think you're doing. About almost half an hour ago, I asked you if you've got everything you need.

Which by what I meant was if you've got everything you need for Raya since you told me you went out with Mama, Nadia & Faris.

You didn't need to go all emo saying you don't have your own family & shit. How do you think that made me feel?

Did you actually think by saying that, I'd feel nothing? At all? I used to be the one not even trying to make our relationship work.

Now I'm the one who's trying to keep it together. This Sunday, as much as I want to hug you & whatnot, I won't.

I'll just say hi, ask how everyone's doing, minta ampun with Mama & Papa for whatever wrong I've done, give you your shirt & leave.

You may have stayed for about an hour or so when you came over even though I didn't talk or say anything most of the time.

But I'm sorry. I won't do the same. Not if you're still gonna be like this. I'll try searching for that book you wanted.

I won't stay long at your place. I wanted to but.. no. Maybe about half an hour or so would be enough I guess.

One thing I'm gonna pray is for God's strength to keep me steady while I'm there, because the waterfall's sure to start once I arrive.

You're under no obligation to send me back. I can send myself back by cab or KTM. I'll be just fine doing so.

As for my safety? Well, I can't guarantee if I'll be safe or not. So hey, no worries. At least I know how to take public transport now.

After Sunday, see you.. whenever. And this time, as much as I don't want to, I'm gonna at least try to let you go. But slowly.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry~ I've held on for too long. I think.. it's time :'(