I woke up at 12:31 p.m. today. I couldn't sleep a wink because of you & I'm friggin' tired like hell. First thought I had knowing that you didn't reply, I wanted to punch the wall. I couldn't at first because I was being such a wuss.
Usually when I picture something, it won't happen. I pictured myself punching the wall & broke the bones of my right hand. Of course, that didn't really happen.
I sat next to the wall which was on my left, touched it for God knows how long, did my best to let out all those hurt feelings that were cooped up inside of me for so long which in the end made me cry which I needed, I did a head-start by punching the wall slowly & not so hard. I punched about 4 or 5 times, then I punched for real on the next which didn't hurt much, but the next blow left the mark.
I did it. I punched the wall. My middle knuckle of my right hand hurt like shit because it was the colour of blue-black. Yipee. Because of you, sayang... I punched the wall. I felt so hurt. Don't ask me why. I get really moody these days.
If you guys are blur, the picture above is a picture of a girl crying. I like it.
Anyways, yeah. I cried before I punched the wall. Seriously to me, talking about it isn't gonna work for me anymore. It doesn't let out enough of my pain. So by letting the pain out, I decided hurting myself would do the trick. Apparently it did. Made me feel way better than talking about it.
Of course, don't follow me on this. Yes, I'm a very bad influence. Boohoo.
You told me in the year 2011, you're going to study overseas. Either UK or Germany. You just HAD to pick faraway places. What was your reason? "I don't want a girl to hurt me anymore. Not one"
Dude, you're really pathetic. What kind of a mind you have to think that there are no girls in UK or Germany? There's not a country in the whole entire world that doesn't have the female species of homosapiens. We go through pain. All of us eventually. Whether it's mentally or physically. We all go through it.
So stop being such a wuss. Be a man & take it as it is. The moment you told me you're going there in 2 years time, I was devastated.
I'll miss you like hell damn it! This time, not as your pet-sister or friend or however you think of me. It's MUCH more than that. As crazy as your bitch ex-girlfriend is, I can be crazier. You have no idea.
I'm pretty much a desperado whore who's in desperate need of a man in my life because I can't seem to live without them. Girls, this is the real me. Don't like it? Deal with it. Men. One of my weaknesses. How my knees tremble everytime I see the ones I like. I can be very picky but I've dated about almost every category of men. No joke.
Who would've thought that you could make me feel so broken. Okay. Now I really know it's me you were talking about. To the readers, if you don't get what I mean, read my post Okay... I Give. All I'm wondering now is, what would happen if I told you how I really feel?
I myself am scared of rejection. Would you accept me in the way I think you would? Or would you just be all shocked or something & not accept it? I won't know. I'm not God.
He's the one who has written a story for each & every one of us. Thus, we won't know how our story would end. Of course, if I wait long enough, it might be too late for me to say it. But if I tell you too soon, we MIGHT end up having an unstable relationship which was only puppy love bla bla bla.
So yeah. I'll never know what'll happen next. Let's just see if it was really fate or destiny that brought us this far & if we were really meant for each other.
Now, I need my sleep. But before I lie down, I need to text you.
shn now has obvious eye bags... great
Don't let nobody tell you your life is over
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