Too Real To Be A Dream

*sighs* Hey there. I woke up pretty early today actually because I got a text. Then I slept again.

I was dreaming & you were in it. It takes place in my house but thing is, it isn't because I can tell.

Another strange thing, Mak was acting weird as in not herself. She said she'd let me talk to you because she knows I'm still deeply in love you.

Since when? No one in this family has ever given a fuck about how I feel except for Haris & a few cousins of mine.

I was halfway up the stairs when talking to Mak. As I turned around to continue, I saw you there sitting at the top of the stairs.

I was speechless & all choked up on my own words. You were looking at me, then you had your head down, upset about something.

I didn't know what to say or do until I decided to go slowly up the stairs & hug you in the process, hoping it's enough to comfort you.

In that moment I realised, everything was okay again like how it was before that night & all that drama.

I was so glad & happy, I started to tear up. I quickly wipe them away & kissed you on the cheek, relieved that everything is how I wanted it to be.

There's more but, those are just minor details & unimportant. My dream ended when I received a phone call.

While listening to my friend talking on the other line, I silently cried, wishing all that to be real.

It's all I want to happen. Nothing more, nothing less. It seemed SO real, it even felt real *sighs* :'(

But knowing reality, as much as I want it to happen, it won't. Fuck reality. Fuck life. I wanna have a deep slumber & never wake up.

I'd rather be in a lifelong coma, or better yet, dead. My life is all dark & grey now. There are times when I feel like I'm falling into the very pit of darkness.

With nothing around but black, the solemn colour I'm starting to admire. People who think I'm happy-go-lucky has never seen me depressed & emo.

People who think I'm strong has never seen me completely fall apart. Well, that's all I've got for this. Cya~

shn wishes she could die of some kinda sickness

Aka no Seijaku by Youko Ishida

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